The underachiever’s guide to Christmas

Step 1: Ensure everyone in your extended family, from the grandparents to the baby, systematically succomb to a vicious, violent stomach flu throughout the course of the week.

No further steps necessary. Following Step 1 above virtually guarantees you’ll allow your kids to attend Christmas Eve candlelight service in jeans and sweatshirts, eat oatmeal for Christmas brunch, and exactly two Pez each for dinner. You will not overeat at any holiday meal, either (you won’t even be required to make them), and you’ll skip that third glass of wine (and second, and first). You’ll forget to take photos and then lose your camera altogether. Christmas light touring in the car will definitely be scratched from the itinerary, and extracurriculars like ski days and ice skating will suddenly be optional. Your kids will go to bed Christmas Eve at 7 pm without a complaint, (though you will still have to choke down those cookies left for Santa). You’ll say yes to six consecutive hours of quality time with the Xbox, and you may even spend Christmas night lying in a heap on the couch, watching a Firefly marathon on SciFi.

(Warning: you may kind of love it.)

14 thoughts on “The underachiever’s guide to Christmas

  1. OMG! We were not the only ones! Starting at exactly 10:30, when Santa needed to get busy, the vomiting began. For us, we watched every single Indiana Jones movie, and then some. Sorry you were all sick, but like I said to Jakie, you will get better. Eventually. Well, Amy, steer clear of Montezuma’s Revenge!

  2. We had a Thanksgiving just like this, where all the food just sat on the table untouched because we are all too sick to eat a bite. I’m not even sure how the food ended up being cooked in the first place.

  3. Oh no!!! We had the same thing happen a few years ago, only the first victim in our family who got it got it on a plane to Texas to see my family. I skipped the restaurant meal that everyone went to in Chicago (hubby’s family) to take care of a kid with a regular flu. I was the only one who miraculously didn’t get sick (we think the stomach flu came from the restaurant, as everyone there got sick), but we calculated that almost 50 family members on several tree branches got sick, including half of my Texas family. You’ll have a good story, but won’t want to ever repeat it!! Hope you and the family recover soon!

  4. Oh, I’m so sorry that you got the bug, but I’m glad that you were able to make the best of it! We’ve been able to avoid it thus far, but with as many people as we came into contact with, the end is near, I’m sure of it!
    There ARE a lot of marathons I’d be interested in watching on New Year’s Eve…

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