Boo freaking hoo.

In a futile attempt to get a jump on Halloween this year, I polled the kids on costume possibilities. This fine example of asking for trouble prompted Nate to declare he wants to be an ‘angry mob’. (Well, I asked, right?) Naturally, this declaration caused Toby to ask what an angry mob was, which spurred an impromptu discussion about torches and pitchforks, which in turn made him switch costume choices on the spot from his previous pick of ‘kangaroo’ (whaaaa?) to ‘kangaroo with angry pitchfork (Whaaaa.T.F.).

Calvin and Nate thought this was a genius idea, and long story short, everyone has decided to be pitchfork-wielding kangaroos for Halloween.

Why can’t my kids be normal?

I swear they were, once upon a time.

See? Cute. Posing with pumpkins. Wearing their autumn hues and Old Navy tees that say ‘boo’, their little hearts set on nothing more complicated than dressing up as ‘toddler bat’ on page 16 of the Costume Express catalogue, which I can order for $24.99 (standard shipping free on all orders over $50).

Done.

And now I get pitchfork-wielding kangaroos. I so don’t need this in my life right now.

Which is why I’m begging for your advice. Lay it on me: WWCD? (That’s What Would Cinna Do, of course, but I have to spell it out for the 5% of the population–none of you, I’m sure–that hasn’t yet read The Hunger Games trilogy.) How would you go about Plan A: talking them out of it, or Plan B: creating or purchasing pitchfork-wielding-kangaroo costumes. Keep in mind that I don’t own a sewing machine, am dangerous with a glue gun, and am operating on a frustratingly limited costume budget. In fact, if your advice includes the procurement (or mere mention) of thread, a needle, a button, or any product with the word ‘crafting’ in the title, I’ll be forced to delete it for the greater good of all mothers everywhere. (I can, however, get my hands on fake fur, floppy ears, and pitchforks. Don’t ask.) Really, the best thing to do would be to simply mail me three pitchfork-wielding-kangaroo costumes, sizes 12, 10, and 5. That’d be awesome; you’re the best.

Seriously, what’s your next move when your kids are determined to dress up and emulate superstition-harboring, dangerous in masse, pre-enlightenment-age kangaroos? Don’t tell me this hasn’t come up in your household.

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15 thoughts on “Boo freaking hoo.

  1. I thought I had it bad. My 2 year old daughter wants to dress up as DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba.

    When you figure this out, spread the love because truly, I am not getting her that costume.

  2. Hey Amy, you have to be like the traditional 1950’s mom who gets them to change their minds, but they think they come up with a new idea on their own, when really you were pulling the strings! Good Luck. We were thinking we would all go as members of the “Bright and Shiny” cult from the Bubble Boy movie. We would all be names “Todd”. Really, T-shirts are a lot easier to come by than pitchfork wielding kangaroo costumes! Oh, I know, they should all be zombie soccer players!

  3. I’m with Patty. I would talk about some really cool costume that the kids *could* be if only they hadn’t already decided on the pitchfork kangaroo. Poor them.

    I have the opposite problem. I’ve spent the past month planning and accumulating the items for a Pippi Longstocking costume (which I’d have to make myself) only for my daughter to see one of those $24.99 Buzz Lightyear costumes and lose her mind. I’m working on a strategy where Pippi is suddenly much cooler than any big-headed astronaut.

  4. You could do what I’m planning–forget Halloween ever was invented and hope your kids don’t notice that you skipped it (or join a pentacostal cult and sit around washing each other’s feet)…ugh! Why can’t these holidays come every OTHER year?

  5. Oh god, talk them out of it! Hahahaha.
    If not then they’ll have to hold up their tail with one hand, pitchfork in the other and no room for candy. Tell them that and they might re think it. If they suggest using the pouch to hold candy, tell them you can’t get costumes with a pouch that opens.

  6. I think you already have a solution to your problem but I would ask them about the costumes and see what they come up with – maybe go to goodwill, dollar store, etc…. My kids have been super creative this way and they love what they come up with.

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